The Most Sexyest Man Alive
by DEP
Summary: This is an indepth view of the man called Severus Snape.
1. On The Subject Of Snape

On the wonderful subject of Snape  
  
With hair so long down to his nape  
  
All I see is warm and fuzzy  
  
While others think he's kinda skuzzy  
  
Oh I love his eyes so black  
  
And the billowing cloak upon his back  
  
Every one thinks he's kinda scary  
  
And only just a wee bit hairy  
  
  
  
He's very much castigated  
  
But if he did it to McGonnagal  
  
He'd be castrated  
  
He tends to stay away from people  
  
Because of this they think he's evil  
  
What's so evil about this guy  
  
Don't look at me like that  
  
I don't need to lie  
  
He's demeanor may be as black as night  
  
But me I think this guys all right  
  
Hermione doesn't like it when he picks on Neville  
  
But me I say  
  
"Give him Hell!"  
  
They sit in class afraid to speak  
  
But if you had him angry  
  
Wouldn't you be meek  
  
We took a test the other day  
  
And what can I say  
  
I was kinda curious  
  
But when I looked behind his back  
  
It made him furious  
  
But when he starts to get mean  
  
I go to my full height and tell him  
  
"Don't make a scene"  
  
Other students start to gape  
  
At the man they all call Snape  
  
So now I'm landed with detention  
  
Because I didn't pay attention  
  
In the dark and dreary dungeons  
  
I sit there waiting eating my funeons(1)  
  
Then he came in with a Coke  
  
After I said hi we never spoke  
  
What happened to this guy's sense of humor  
  
He'll get it back now or sooner  
  
(evil laugh)  
  
A/N: so what did ya'll guys think? This is my first attempt at  
  
a pofic. Give me some good reviews. Plz. I love you. Alan  
  
Rickman is the best in the world. I love him. He is mine.  
  
(1) Funeons are onion rings. For all of you who don't know that. 


	2. The Illustious Man

A/N: Yes another wonderful little SNAPEY poem installment. Yes and as you have guessed it featuring me. Because answer all know I own Alan Rickman. I don't care about the others y'all can have them. Yeah I know in my dreams.  
  
Disclaimer: no i don't own him though I wish I did.  
  
  
  
  
  
I wonder if he notices me staring  
  
Even if, he looks rather uncaring  
  
Oh I see in grim reality  
  
Ignoring me is his specialty  
  
Oh he's so handsome  
  
I cannot deny  
  
I will not forsake his name  
  
I'd rather die  
  
Than bare that shame  
  
I remember winters in the snow  
  
And the light around his head formed a halo  
  
And now it all seems like a dream  
  
From where I was as it all seem  
  
To me  
  
You see  
  
He is an angel  
  
From any angle  
  
His black exterior I put aside  
  
It cannot hide from me  
  
The warmth I know is there inside  
  
The warmth I know is there you see  
  
And oh how I want it wrapped around me  
  
Is it possible to have such elation  
  
For a man who has such a hideous reputation  
  
They see black exterior  
  
And I see a wonderful interior  
  
I come back to the dungeons  
  
From my dreams  
  
And to my empty bag of FUNEONS  
  
He still ignores  
  
His face bleaker than the mores  
  
I want him now can he not tell  
  
He's put me under his deepest spell  
  
I wish I could stay forever  
  
For his lust I truly savor  
  
A/N: you will have to wait till another day to see what becomes of my love struck fancy for this truly illustrious man.  
  
ELECT ALAN RICKMAN FOR THE POSITION OF GOD 


	3. The Plan

A/N: I feel loved. Thanks Atheis and Aeris. * begins to cry * .sorry.* runs into bathroom * I needed people in my poem so I put these to crazies in there.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Snape though I wish I did. I need a cookie. * sits out side of Alan Rickman's dressing room and waits *  
  
  
  
In my head there forms a plan  
  
In my clutches will be this man  
  
In my heart I am overjoyed  
  
I draw the battle lines  
  
With my armaments deployed  
  
With everything done I still have to wait  
  
But when the time comes I wont hesitate  
  
I gather my accomplices in this scheme  
  
I really think we will make a good team  
  
I gather and huddle with my two friends  
  
Will this work  
  
It all depends  
  
For Aeris we really had to convince her of this  
  
She was all ready to play the antagonist  
  
Atheis really had to bribe  
  
But the plan almost broke through  
  
With her taunts and gibes  
  
So we had to promise her Harry  
  
And then her attitude turned quite contrary  
  
To my plan she would hinder  
  
Burn to ash  
  
And turn to cinder  
  
Perhaps I had been a little rash  
  
Here comes Snape  
  
With his wonderful billowing cape  
  
We hurry into position  
  
Oh I am such a wonderful tactician  
  
In my mind I see a blur of black  
  
I hesitate and then move back  
  
Oh it maybe worse than I feared  
  
I may not be as brave as I appeared  
  
Oh what an awful sight  
  
Seeing me in such a fright  
  
I stay there behind the wall  
  
Aeris said you cannot stall  
  
Then they gave me a great big push  
  
As he came around the wall  
  
And I fell on my tush  
  
I thought I might have hit my head  
  
But I guess it was him instead  
  
I guess I really did hit my head  
  
Cause when I hit the floor  
  
I saw nothing more  
  
I really do not feel my best  
  
But the good thing is  
  
They found me lying  
  
On his chest  
  
I think it was do to Atheis and Aeris's good intentions  
  
That I found my self in that position  
  
A/N: well another installment will follow. I guess I will leave you with this...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Alan Rickman: What the hell do you think your doing. I thought my bodyguard booted you out of my dressing room.  
  
Sheperdmoon: But I love you Alan, no don't throw me out. Nnnnooooooooooooo. * Now all the sudden calm* I will give you a back massage.!!!  
  
Alan Rickman: * considers this * ok. * Throws him self on his bed. *  
  
Sheperdmoon: * evil grin * 


	4. I HURT MY BABY!

A/N* in a dark and dreary cave *  
  
A woman came round  
  
Dressed in pink  
  
She voiced no sound  
  
As she started to think  
  
She looked into a pool and the water broke  
  
Into it her soft voice spoke  
  
" In hear now see your face teared,  
  
For I will cast the things you've feared,  
  
Make these thoughts for them last,  
  
Or if ye save them  
  
Save them fast  
  
Or I make there lives the past."  
  
She dipped her hand into the pool  
  
And felt the water, deathly cool  
  
She thinks not now when she speaks  
  
She thinks not now when she seeks  
  
The revenge upon that little boy  
  
Who will be her master's little toy  
  
*** !!! ***  
  
In my bed I try to hide  
  
For my Snape is by my side  
  
He is still stuck on his bed  
  
With bandages upon his head  
  
Oh how can I feel grand  
  
For in my baby's hurt I had a hand  
  
Or was it that I had a push  
  
I absently rubbed my tush  
  
Over there he stirred a bit  
  
How could I have been such a twit  
  
How could I hurt some one so dear  
  
He'll never like me now I fear  
  
I have to go I have to run  
  
From fate's horrible little pun  
  
I look upon his face so sweet  
  
I stand up and beside him seat  
  
When he's asleep he's not such a horrible guy  
  
When he's awake all I can do is wonder y  
  
I stroke the soft skin of his face  
  
My hand feels his heart and its soft pace  
  
I don't know y he can not see  
  
No one can love him quite like me  
  
In my dreams we soar and fly  
  
With out him now I think I'll die  
  
  
  
A/N: well I don't know whether I am going a bit over board on this love sick little puppy love obsession thing I have for Snape but I have decided to turn it into a song poem. Maybe even 20 chaps if I can get it that long. Yes. I would like to thank the two most wonderful reviewers for reading my pofic. You will be in future chaps if you wish to be. I wonder how Dante did it. I mean I want this to be long. But dang his are like book length. 


	5. Tea

A/N: I got the most wonderful present from my friend lacey. She got me the severus snape trading card I love it.  
  
Disclaimer: I hate britany spears. And I don't own anything. It all belongs to the big cahoona her self.  
  
He woke up  
  
And reached for his cup  
  
I saw that he could not reach  
  
For his drink made of peach  
  
There were some words I wanted to speak  
  
But the words I could not seek  
  
I wanted to say  
  
" Do you want me to get that for you"  
  
But my lips were stuck as if by glue  
  
In my eyes you could clearly see  
  
For he asked  
  
" Would you get that for me "  
  
I nodded my head  
  
I got up quickly from my bed  
  
I grabbed the cup with my hand  
  
And gave it to him  
  
Our fingers touched and the cup slipped like a grain of sand  
  
My senses truly went dim  
  
I wanted to fall in a dead faint  
  
But he looked at me like I was a saint  
  
I wanted to know how this could be  
  
But before I could ask he asked me to tea  
  
It's a trick  
  
I know it is  
  
But could even Snape be that sick  
  
I dreaded not  
  
For how could this guy so hot  
  
Form such a plot  
  
A/N: See what happens to this wonderful story when the fab duo have tea together. 


	6. The Evil Woman

A/N: I love each and every one of you.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Alan Rickman but I do own a life size cardboard cut out. Which will have to do until we both go to heaven and then I can have him all I want.  
  
Allaiyah: I am so proud that I am ruddy brilliant. * bows *  
  
Ivory Tower: Yes we all have dibs on Rickman. We all love him with a passion so I guess I can let you all have a stab at him. * with a love arrow *  
  
Review: The last time we saw our hero and heroine they were in the hospital wing being treated. * Awww*  
  
The last time we saw our Dastardly Protagonist she was getting ready to start her plot of evil against our lovely Snape. * BOO HISS *  
  
A/N: I know you want Alan but we have to go back to the evil Protagonist.  
  
((((((((((  
  
Walking in her robes of purple  
  
Her minds was thinking about the hurtles  
  
She knew it would not go with ease  
  
And certainly not with a simple please  
  
She was bound to break his heart  
  
Only with seduction she would have to start  
  
" In hear now see your face teared,  
  
For I will cast the things you've feared,  
  
Make these thoughts for them last,  
  
Or if ye save them  
  
Save them fast  
  
Or I make there lives the past."  
  
She spoke these words over and over  
  
As she pulled the mirrors cover  
  
Off it flew with such a flutter  
  
And the word she spoke became barely a mutter  
  
" Oh my dear heart of hearts  
  
I will pull you into parts  
  
All of those that you hold near  
  
Whose souls of those shall go into this tear  
  
Oh of those whom aren't lucky  
  
The bright the beautiful and the plucky  
  
Will find an immortal life of pain  
  
Much to yours not my disdain"  
  
She spoke these words without remorse  
  
Her voice with every word went course  
  
As the tears ran down her cheeks  
  
To imprison those she seeked 


End file.
